On the Revelatory Nature of Parenting

Last November, my wife and I found out that we could expect a baby to come along this year. In June, he arrived, legs kicking, arms wheeling, hands grasping. So far, I have found the experience of being a parent—from pregnancy test to present—to be revelatory: thoughts and feelings I never saw coming are suddenly there within me.

During our first major ultrasound, during which the specialist checked to make sure the baby had all the usual limbs and organs, I suddenly found my heart beating faster and my palms sweating: What if she found something wrong?

Going in, I wasn’t worried at all, but here I was, nervous. Contrary to what I may have thought previously, I am the kind of person to worry about such things.

Another revelatory moment came when the specialist said we were having a boy. For no good reason whatsoever, my wife and I had expected we were having a girl. The thought of it was warming—I would have this delicate creature to care for, but at a bit of a distance, since my wife would attend to all the girl stuff.

When I heard we were having a boy, my feelings were firmer. Here was a little man whom I would have to prepare for the rigors of the world. I also found I was proud to have provided a son to carry on the family name, and even more surprisingly, I felt as if by fathering a boy I had somehow proven my own manhood! 

All very cliché, and even ridiculous, but there you have it.

Upon the birth of my son, I immediately loved him without any reason whatsoever. Thankfully, I am that kind of parent. And when a construction site at the shopping mall nearly sprayed him with wet cement (it got on my wife and the stroller, but not the baby), I was angry. How could the construction worker have been so careless? Doesn’t he know he could have hurt my son! What if some cement had gotten into my newborn’s eyes? Had anything happened, I would have had choice words with the construction worker—maybe even demanded to speak to his supervisor or threatened litigation!

Apparently, I am that kind of parent, too. 

From now on, I will continue to learn about myself through my reactions to raising a child, and perhaps not everything I learn will be good, but hopefully whenever less admirable traits surface, I will have the guts to face them and improve myself.